How cute is this? Xueexueg drew the asanas he can do!

Less than a year ago I started practicing Ashtanga Yoga, and I was hooked. I’m not being dramatic when I say that Ashtanga changed my life. My stress levels went way down, it gave me something to be totally intense about, and my body hadn’t looked that hot in years. I was happily practicing 3-4 times a week for several months when the pain started in my left elbow. I complained about it for a few weeks. It got to the point that it ached all day and was making it difficult to do simple things like type and steer my car.

At the prodding of my boyfriend, who is much health nuttier than me, I went to a physical therapist to get a diagnosis. After some X-rays and a few questions the doctor diagnosed me with epicondylitis, or tennis elbow. I said “Funny, ‘cuz I’ve never played tennis, wocka wocka wocka!” I wasn’t laughing, though, when he told me that I had to stay off the elbow for six weeks. I was crushed. I’d made some breakthroughs in my practice recently, I was on a roll. I knew that taking six weeks off would be like starting over. I went home and cried, out of frustration, anger and sadness.

I went about three weeks without going to class when I finally said to myself “This is bullshit”. So I went back. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Not only did my elbow get worse, but I injured my back and neck to the point that I couldn’t turn my head. I felt like a jackass, and I was totally defeated. I think I went back one more time before just giving up.

Over the next three months I ran through the range of emotions associated with loss: anger, sorrow, acceptance. I reached the point where I was telling myself that my body is just not meant for Ashtanga, that maybe I can do it sporadically but I’ll never go back to 3-4 days a week. Deep inside my head and heart, I could hear a voice saying “Quitter! Excuses are like farts, everyone makes them and they all stink!” Lately I’ve been trying to find a routine that could replace Ashtanga, but nothing has stuck. To boot, I’m getting fat. Boo-hoo, I’m riding this pity train to Fattyville and I’m taking you with me!

But wait! Last night I had the good fortune to meet a hilarious and genuine lady, Liz Bick. She’s visiting for a while from England and has been practicing Ashtanga for 3 years. I soon found out that when she used to live here she went to my old studio,  and has been going since she’s been back. It took some persuasion, but she talked me in to going to class this morning. I was excited about the idea and promised her she would see me in the morning.

Considering that I had about two drinks too many last night, I am amazed I made it to class. If I hadn’t promised to show up I probably would have stayed in bed another hour. Thanks, Liz, for motivating me! I got through about half my regular practice when I decided to stop in the interest of being able to walk out of the studio. Ashtanga is no punk, it WILL kick your ass. As I was lying in my final resting pose I felt a sense of accomplishment and contentment. I decided there that I would start going back to class, slowly at first and with my focus on protecting my elbow. You see, I think I have been hyper-extending in a few of my poses. If I really concentrate I can teach myself to break that bad habit. Instead of focusing on progressing in my practice I’ll have to pay attention to not hurting myself. It’s not as exciting, but I don’t care. I’m just so glad to be back that I’ll take it.

That three months of psychological yoga jail I put myself in has taught me a lot. I was being stubborn and impatient, trying to maintain my focus on pushing forward in my practice when I should have placed my intent on breaking the bad habits I’d fallen into. As our bodies change through exercise, I guess our intentions have to follow suit. And just like any other pursuit, I think it’s reasonable to step back and reassess our fitness goals from time to time. For me, that meant changing my way of thinking about yoga, at least for now.

This won't be my goal, not for a VERY long time

Photo Credits xueexueg, virginiazuluaga, and milopeng